CONFESSIONS OF A BRIDE TO BE PART 1

Hey, my name is Tania. I just got married and I’ll love to share my story with you.

First of all, I’m from a broken home, my parents got separated when I was just a year old, my mum took custody of me since my dad said I wasn’t his child and didn’t even look like him. HE later on, passed away when I was 3 years old, so I barely had any facial recognition of him.

Growing up with my mum wasn’t all rosy, because we had to struggle to make ends meet, ever since my mum got sacked where she worked as an accountant. Life had no meaning to me, and atimes I caught myself thinking about several easy ways I could end my life but putting them into action was difficult. So, I just forgot about killing myself and decided to take the bull by the horn, at the age of 8 I had already started helping my mum in her “BOLE” business, my mum’s business boomed because a lot of customers patronised her, and also because she was friendly and always added “jara” when selling to her customers. I watched her keenly while growing up and would never still understand what went wrong with her and my dad, and why she never got married again, the only thing she ever told me when I asked her for the first time at age 17 why she never got married was “My dear, you will never understand, even if I explain it, but never underrate the power of love”.

LOVE??? Is it the type of love a boy had for a girl that he had to scribble her name on the walls of the school hallway back in secondary school? But I still did not understand the depth of this love my mum was referring to, so I checked my dictionary and found this “To feel the passion of love for, to be fond of, to delight in, to enjoy” this definition was still not enough for me, I needed a deeper revelation.

I got admitted into the university still on my quest to understand the meaning of love, I made a lot of friends especially in my first year comprising of both male and female. In my 2^nd year at the university, I saw a lot of couples making out, taking pictures and doing things “couples do together” but to me, this was not the type of love I imagined or rather this was not the answer I was looking for…..Then I met Tega, our first meeting was a bit weird and really annoying, it all happened in the library were I went to read and there was this guy who just kept talking on the phone and was really loud, I was cool with the talking since it didn’t really bother me but what irked me most was the fact that he was talking and laughing and at the same time banging the table where I sat down to read, I made eye contact with him but all he said was “Abeg, if I dey disturb you find another table sit na, afterall no be only this table dey this library” I was peeved and told him “waka” before I finally left the table. Some minutes after, I felt someone tap me on my shoulder and I turned and discovered it was the guy from earlier, he started apologising and told me not to pay attention to him that he was actually trying to get my attention since we both sat on the same table and I wouldn’t even say a word to him, I actually found this really funny…because you are supposed to read in a library not talk.

Well, he asked for my permission to join me in studying which I granted him quickly because I did not want him to create another scene like he did earlier. That was our friendship began, we got so close that whenever I tell my friends that we weren’t dating, they find it so hard to believe, Tega was a year ahead of me in the university but this in no way interfered with our friendship we still had just enough time to hang out. I never knew things between us was actually going to change until one evening just a casual evening sitting down at the booth of his car he said those words

“I LOVE YOU”

“Why?” I blurted.

I was shocked at those words he said and I was very sure that it showed on my expression. He laughed and said “T baby (as he fondly calls me) abeg straighten your face”, I smiled dryly wishing for an explanation, then he said “I love you, because it is you I choose to love” his words confused me. Well the night ended rather awkwardly because we didn’t even say goodbye to ourselves, I was so deep in thought till I fell asleep…..I started avoiding Tega, my friends didn’t understand why I behaved that way, I only opened up to one of my friends and told her what had transpired between me and Tega that evening and all she said was “Follow your heart, but make sure that whatever choice you make, it’s the right one”…she clearly didn’t understand my situation, I was in a dilemma and could barely understand what my heart was saying. Weeks and weeks passed and still my attitude towards Tega still did not change, I still gave him the cold shoulders I missed him though but acted all tough.

Then one day, a friend of mine came to tell me she saw Tega and one girl hanging out in the restaurant where she went to buy food I just smiled and continued what I was doing. I saw Tega and his new friend a lot and I felt a pang of guilt, or was it jealousy?? I really can’t say….it became really unbearable that one evening I had to walk up to Tega I didn’t even care if he was with the girl and I told him that I missed him and was sorry for all the things I did to him, he just smiled and hugged me tightly and said “Nothing has changed” I felt really excited he introduced the girl to me as his family friend and also made it clear to me that she had a boyfriend…..i heaved a sigh of relief and didn’t even know when I blurted out the words “Thank God” they both looked at me and started laughing, I felt a bit embarrassed I must say, the girl asked to be excused that she had an assignment to do…..we were alone and Tega asked me

“Do you love me?”

“Yes!” I said.

He looked at me shocked, I was also surprised myself…..because I haven’t even understood the meaning of love, all he said was “Do not rush in giving me a reply, take your time and be sure of what you feel”. I went back in the room pondering on what he said…does love come with jealousy? I asked my friend….all she said was “If you really love somebody, their business becomes your business and you wouldn’t want any other person to take care of that person’s business since you were around to help them do that”….well if this was the answer I really needed, then truly I was in LOVE.

To be continued….